Dear Rebeca,
by LookAtAlllTheLeavesInTheFire
Summary: Still, your friend says you're a good person at heart. He says it isn't your fault. And I guess he's right. ('Tis I, returning from war to try to write a longer legit thing but for now I have this very short very pointless thing to share with you :) )


**A/N: Uh, so I'll explain ****_why _****this is a thing at the bottom and straight up trigger warning because mention of self harm/blood and suggested suicide so don't be reading this if a) legit triggerig bc that is 100% valid or b) shit is sad sometimes and who needs sad? sorry ok**

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Dear Rebeca,

I don't know you very well. At all, actually. You don't know me, of course. You haven't said a single word since your friend walked you into the ER with a bloodstained towel wrapped around your arm. I really hope you aren't too attached to that one. It's beyond cleaning. You didn't so much as flinch when I put your stitches in. Makes me wonder how long you've been at this. Still, your friend says you're a good person at heart. I may never understand why good people want to hurt themselves so much. He says it isn't your fault. And I guess he's right. It's not your fault that you care, and love, and break yourself. I just wish there was another way that would let you find a way to feel alive again. You can do so much. You can still invest yourself into light. You can still burn the darkness around you with the fire you feel. And you're not the only one fighting this. You're not alone, Rebeca. It kills me to know that's how you feel. But what do I know? I'm just a nurse whose questions you won't answer. I'm no one out of the ordinary to you. And I guess you're no one super special to me either. But that's okay. You've lived through tonight and that's enough for me.

-Chloe B

Dear Beca,

I didn't know you very well. You've only said four words to me since they wheeled you in on a gurney. Four haunting words. "Please, let me die." I hear them echoing through the empty halls here. I was the only one to hear them. Thank God. If anyone you knew had heard the way that sounded, they would have been ruined. So your friends all say you were a good person. They seemed sincere enough. Maybe it just wasn't enough. I still don't get it. At this point, I don't think I ever will. But you make your own choices. Your friend, Jesse, says it wasn't your fault. He says you swerved to avoid hitting an animal. He says it was still there by the side of the road when he got to you. It's possible he made this up in his own head without realizing it because he couldn't cope with you choosing to crash your car. I don't think we'll ever know for sure. But I hope that's the case. So, I guess it wasn't your fault then? Of course it's not your fault that you cared, and loved, and broke yourself down. You did so much for so many. So many of them came by your room in the few days you were there. But one evening the money for life support ran dry so the sea drowned the sun and took your breath with it, regardless. You said your words and let your lips come back together since after your plea, they were destined to never part again.

I went to your service. Usually I'm not allowed to. Jesse, in his black suit and black tie let me in anyway. He says that you made music. Singing and blending together different songs. They played some right then. I cried with the rest of your friends and family when your father played a video of you and Jesse singing along with Hallelujah in Shrek. You seemed so happy and your voice seemed so beautiful. I learned that you went by a nickname, then too. (Sorry about that..) I learned a lot of things about you, actually. The more I think about it, the more I wish I knew you. That ship has sailed, and I still can't figure out the impression you left on me. But what do I know? I'm just a nurse who couldn't save you.

-Chloe B

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**A/N: Heyyo look who's back! (hint: its me) so I'm in the middle of doing a thing. A bigger thing. Bigger than Nevermind or Once Upon a Wednesday... Not that big. Just... Bigger than the one shots I tend to stick with and I wanted to practice a bit because I, ****due to reasons I don't feel like typing out loud for yall to hear**** have not been writing (or trying to for that matter. ha) at all since like early spring SO hello guys I'm actually gonna finally do a thing for pitch perfect again I love you guys so much each and every one of you are the baes  
maybe when I'm done with it, I'll rewrite this one since i might think its ok now it'll probably suck in the morning  
okay sorry for wasting your time go have fulfilling lives now hell yeah**


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